What’s your definition of romantic?

I have to admit, I do love a bit of a romantic gesture. I think that I love Love. I love seeing happy couples, quirky couples, couples that have families, couples that make sense to everyone and couples that make sense to only themselves. I must confess that I’m not heavy on GRAND GESTURES and heavy PDA but marriage proposals in Paris are lovely to see. (I know, I am a sap!) So every now and then, this app comes out with prompt questions and I wanted to answer it. I don’t want to define what is romantic because I can’t deal with an onslaught of dissent from the crowds but I am going to give a few things that I think are romantic.

*Warning*, I know that this is based on cis-het relationships but I hope that there may be some things that apply but whatever your relationship choices. I have tried to use gender-inclusive language but I would love for you to add to my lil list too.

1. He arranges the date: It may seem like a small thing but I say this because once upon a time, I did EVERYTHING and we were due to go out on the date. I was asked a question to make an arrangement for the date and I nearly cried. Why was it on me to sort out life, clothes a house and now you want me to make additional arrangements to get this date off the ground? Sometimes, it is nice to just have someone do the work and figure out the small details in the final gesture. Surprise me. Make me feel like I am worth the effort of your romantic creativity.

2. They understand your Love Language: There is nothing better than when they just ‘get it’. I’ve seen it in couples. There is just a click of appreciation when she makes that much needed cup of tea without even blinking (Service). Can he explain what you are bringing to your table that has kept him intrigued all these years. Isn’t it sexy when they can tell you what are the best bits about you? (Words of Affirmation). One of the best things the kid’s dad was good at was keeping track of my work gossip. Maybe that was because he was faas (nosey) too. I think it was the only time I had his undivided attention (Quality Time), it was the other 78% of the time that killed things. But he was good at keeping me in balance. As for (Receiving Gifts), having out of the blue gifts was never his strong point. In fact, all I would have liked was a bunch of flowers every now and then. Soon enough, I started buying my own damn flowers.

3. They call to check in: Now this ties in with consistency. If he calls every hour, it’s too intense and I can guarantee that a man that runs at the speed of a sprint when he should be pacing himself like he’s in a marathon, isn’t going to last. It may also be a red flag for narcissism or coercive love-bombing. If it’s not enough, it signifies disinterest. There’s a fine balance. One of the most beautiful things that I ever saw was something that happened when I worked in a small team. This woman in the office received a text from her husband and it read to the effect that “he was cooking dinner for the most beautiful girl in the world and couldn’t wait to see her that evening”. I think I shed a tear. I was happy for her but she hated my guts so the tear evaporated as soon as I caught myself.

4. Honesty without trying to hurt your feelings: It does what it says on the tin. Honesty is my love language but now we live in a time when it’s all about us and our “truth”. You’ve always had those people that take pride in “telling it like it is and who doesn’t like it… well tough!” Some people take telling people how they feel to another level but the majority of those people don’t like other opinions interfering with their world view and require an approach that involves the lost art of diplomacy and tact. A lot of people think this is a mealy-mouthed approach to telling a truth. But I have this down to a fine art. You can deliver a tough message with a velvet glove. I can’t lie, it takes practise because selective hearing gets to a level where honesty can quickly lose it’s velvet touch… but it can be done. There once was a man who delivered a hard truth so kindly, I thought we were destined to be. It was the Deliveroo of honesty, quick, efficient and even though the food was lukewarm, it was still edible. It ran along the lines of “I like you and there’s something there but I’m in something with someone else” – them ones. I loved the calmness of the way the truth was delivered, the bruise of the truth was minimal and although he caught me in his web of gentility, I may have fallen a little harder for him for 3 minutes, until I gathered myself.

5. They look at you like you’re the only one in the room: Because if we’re not here for the look that makes you smile inside, then what are we really doing? There is something about “that look” and it doesn’t matter about the surroundings – it could be in bed when flu has knocked your ass into orbit, opposite ends of a table in a restaurant, or the minute you walk up to him in a crowded room. One of the most romantic moments I’ve ever had was when an ex looked right at me and said “you get on my frigging nerves but for some reason I really, really, really like you….” and even though we’d fallen out, that look made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Turned out he was a bastard but in that particular moment, he was THAT guy!

6. Consistency: When your heart or stomach don’t act as your guide, there are always real life, practical consistencies to give you insight. Yes folks, behaviour patterns are your friend. As I said earlier, if a man runs a marathon like he’s sprinting, it won’t last too long. However, if he’s consistent with the good vibes, he’s a keeper. Whether he’s consistently bringing the goodness or consistent with the bullshit, consistency gives you the opportunity to make a decision to either stick or twist.

7. The best Love Language of them all… Physical Touch: Now I know that sex doesn’t equate to love or romance but romantic deeds lead to good sex (if you’re lucky). A whole weekend of it as I seem to recall. But Physical Touch is more than sex the pat on the knee, that cute little thing he does to the back of your neck, when they touch the small of your back or, best of all, a hug! NOTHING beats a hug. I mean a big old bear hug when they hold

Does this count? I don’t know whether this would count as romantic or an elaborate fantasy but my ideal date consists of him saying “Pack your bags Trish, we’re going away for a bit. Your Annual Leave is taken care of. Your mum and sister are taking care of the kids and all you’ve got to do is be ready by the time I pick you up.” Then I’d fly out for a meal in Paris, then a weekend in a chalet on the Alps but not for skiiing. Just a weekend looking at the snowy landscape, eating good food and getting reacquainted with my favourite Love Languages. Then off to Bora Bora and swimming in clear blue seas. I don’t know what the man in my mini romance vacay looks like but he’s there. Who knows… this may be my way of manifesting it into real life!

What’s your idea of romance? Spill!!

Tricia xx