In the 14 years of being a mother I’ve lived the rock and the roll. My children are hands down my greatest work of art. But they are a blank canvas and and until they turn 18 or leave my home, they will continue to paint their pictures. Enough of the art analogies, let’s get to it – the top 5 things I have learned as a mother.

1. Being a mother is my most favourite role… I love being a mum. True story, at the age of 17, I sat at my bedroom window and like something straight out of a 90s teen movie, I asked G-d to give me babies. I was sick of the pain that I was experiencing every month – 14 years later I learned that it was endometriosis. But somewhere in that prayer, I asked for twins. 19 years later, I got twins. When they were 4 years old I did tell them I’d send them back to where they came from because twins were haaaaard work. But I love them and despite my failings, I think they kinda love me… It’s true to say that despite it all, they give me a reason to wake up.

2. But it’s only a role... Children are work and a lot of times, they’re hard work. And I honestly was not prepared for after-birth recovery whilst taking care of premature twins. The first sense of relief I ever felt as a new mum was when I went out collecting my Avon catalogues. Just that one-hour break was heavenly. I didn’t have to think and I didn’t have to worry… about anything. As I said, I love being a mum but mothering was another role. It was easy to get subsumed into it and for a minute, I forgot myself. All I was, was a mum and whatever my day job was – just all work and no play. I will never berate a woman who throws herself into the role but just like anything, if complete immersion is not for you, then find something that will make it feel less arduous and injects fulfillment in other areas of your life.

3. As your children grow, the causes for concern change… When they were babies, it was the 24 hour round the clock care which at one point included night feeds, going to work, Avon, night feeds, going to work… I think I also cooked and cleaned at some point too. Then it was Hannah’s constant crying. Then it was their colic. Then vaccination worries. A lot of my Twin Mum tribe kept reassuring me that “6-8 years old is the loveliest time…” And they were right but when you’re dealing with Twin colic and they’re both 6 months old, 6-8 seems light years away. But when 6 years hit, it was a mothering sweet spot. Not too old for cuddles but were really coming into their personalities. Now they’re teenagers and the worries include school life, hormones, boys, girls, awkwardness and internet safety – and let’s not forget those statistics and issues that affect black children to compound everything else. But at least conversation is… lively (to say the least!)

4. Your kids learn a lot from you… And we know this especially when your children sound just like you. There is nothing worse than seeing your most heinous trait in your younglings; or they say something slick but you can’t argue because it has an all too familiar tone to it. That’s right. You produced you. And they show it early too. Newborns display your stress. They pick up on it. When they grow a little older, they show the copycat in other ways. Tamir was coming up to two years old and trying to climb up on my mothers couch via his cushion mountain. He was muttering to himself when my mother turned around and said “Is he saying what I think he’s saying?” I thought he was saying “success” to spur himself on to overcome Mount Sofa… turned out he was saying “sucks sake”… (you figure it out). I blamed their dad. Nobody believed me.

5. All I can do, all any of us can do, is our best… That’s all any of us can do as parents really. When I’d meet new mums like myself, they’d say how hard it was, then look at me and say “I don’t know how you do it with twins.” And I can’t lie, there was a part of me that would later think “yeah I don’t know how I do it neither.” But what I’d usually say was “Being a new parent can be hard. Whether it’s one child or more, it’s an adjustment and the last thing a baby needs is a frazzled mum. Take each day as it comes. You’ll get there.” And it’s true, we all get there in the end.

Feel free to share your truths on what you’ve learned as a mother or parent.

Tricia xx

*All anyone as a parent can do is their best and if you are finding it difficult, speak to someone. That someone can be in your inner circle or a professional; but please do not suffer alone.*