For those of you that don’t know, I’m a mum of twins. Girl-Boy combination (pray for me). They’re 14 years old (pray even harder!) I’m divorced (just send your donations now!). Their dad is Muslim and I’m out here blogging.

I’m not a Muslim… I’m more Muslim-adjacent and as Eid-Al-Adha is upon us, I wanted to write up on my first real experience of taking the children through Eid-Al-Fitr. There are 2 Eids in the Muslim calendar. Eid-Al-Fitr comes after the holy month of Ramadan which is marked by a whole month of fasting. Eid al-Adha, or Festival of the Sacrifice commemorates Prophet Ibrahim’s loyalty to Allah through his readiness to sacrifice his son, Ismail. But I want to talk about Ramadan and how I as the main parent I decided to support the kids during their first Ramadan this year. It was their choice to try it. I was nervous because I don’t think there was ever a Ramadan when I’d get dinner cooked on time for their dad (that may have contributed to the divorce!). I didn’t want to disappoint them, they’d probably kick me to the kerb too.

Planning is everything! First of all, get ready for Ramadan. KNOW YOUR DATES! Honestly, I’m great with maths but dates! Dates get me every time. I don’t know why and for those that don’t know, Ramadan falls on a different date every year due to the Islamic calendar being a lunar one. This year it fell on 22nd March and I was ready. I had a plan. But no amount of planning can prepare you as an outsider to the experience.

The first day… Thankfully, British weather fell on our side. It wasn’t too hot, it was the right side of cool. My child was surprisingly uplifted but HIS LIPS were so dehydrated that I couldn’t look at him because all I wanted to do was give him water. BUT I got dinner out on time!

The days to come… Suhoor! Whew chile… Suhoor! So the biggest thing that I didn’t account for was Suhoor – the last permissible meal before fasting begins. It’s eaten as close to sunrise as possible. The reason that I didn’t account for it was because previously, I didn’t have to. Their dad took care of himself. But this was new. This was for the children. Our staple was Jamaican superfood – cornmeal porridge! It’s heavy, it’s easily digestible and if done properly, it’s not overly sweet. Every morning came the struggle to wake them up but thanks to the pre-planning, I’d cook porridge each night to simply warm it up as soon as they woke up. I’d advise as much water as they could stand because the thought of another pair of dehydrated lips was too much. Soon enough Boy Twin was eating larger portions of my now perfected cornmeal porridge. But the need to sleep then wake up to get ready for work was ok until that last hour at work. It was all the harder when the kids had Spring half-term/ Spring Break and all they had to do was sleep.

The final strait… The countdown to Eid was interesting because the kids gave me insight into how the mind works. At the beginning, Tam was forging ahead (but he loves a challenge). However, his first Saturday was tough. At school, they had formed a little group to pray and generally support each other; but without anything to do at home, time went slowly and the mental strain of food – especially as I was cooking was hard for them. That difficulty seemed to find its way on the countdown to Eid – and it was everywhere. All of the young people I worked with were experiencing it.

I honestly felt relieved when it was over. Everyday of Ramadan I was anxious to get a call saying that the kids were ill, or had passed out. I thought the Muslim communities would have a collective sigh of relief – and for some, it may have been that; but for most people it was a collective call for celebration. But it felt more like a celebration of each other – a collective binding through religion, faith and spirituality.

All praise is due… To all of the women (and yes it is mainly the women) that give their all during Ramadan. Fasting, working then feeding yours and maybe other families. It’s one thing doing the cooking but when your taste testers can’t tell you if the pot needs more black pepper, it feels different. The whole practise of fasting as a reminder of those who are worse off than you whilst giving your sadaqah or charitable donations is a conscientiously beautiful practise. And I definitely became more conscious about my consumption of food during this time. There were even days when I inadvertently fasted. I did however, have my moments of resentment because here I was supporting the kids through their first Ramadan as a non-Muslim. Their dad did share a couple of meals with us and took them over some of the holiday and for Eid but I definitely carried the weight. Then throw in teenage hormones, hunger pangs and 300 questions per day, mentally, there was a lot of parenting and research that went into #Ramadan23. All in all, we got through it and thank god for pre-planning meals! Maybe next year, I’ll join them.

And to all of my Muslim family and the ummah across the world this week, Eid Mubarak!

Tricia xx

For more on the two different Eids: watch here